"It's Britney, Bitch" - um, I beg to differ...

I will freely admit that I was pretty excited to hear that Britney was going to open up the MTV VMA awards. I haven't watched that show in years, but I was definitely going to tune in for the return of Britney. I mean, she had some amazing VMA performances! I'm not even talking about the python or Madonna smooch - I'm old school, so I liked that first school girl routine that was sort of a medley with N Sync. The following year, she did the Oops routine in that flesh colored sparkly outfit that may or may not have inspired my Halloween costume that year.

So if you want my take on her performance, read on...

In short, it was a complete disaster and huge disappointment. I can think of umpteen million things that went wrong and not one single thing that went right. This performance does Britney's career no favors - I honestly believe she would have been better off if she had not performed at all.

From what I remember, here's what did not work for me. I'm sure I will miss a bunch of points, but her performance was such a dud that I can't bear to replay it on my DVR to give a complete analysis.

• First shot was a close-up of Miss Brit. OK, I know she's still growing out her hair but yuck! What was up with the nasty blonde hair? The roots looked horrible! I wonder if she meant to wear a hat and then something went wrong last minute? It just did not look performance ready
  
• Then I noticed the blue eyes, which sort of scared me at first - like she looked possessed! And maybe she was... at least something would explain her performance then
  
• Then we pan down to her outfit... oh boy. Why, why, why? The bra / hot pants combo was such a bad idea... hey, she's had two kids, I don't expect her to have a tight bod, but I don't think she should be flaunting her bare midriff either. I couldn't ignore the belly and the booty... but maybe people are into that.
  
• As usual - the lip sync. She didn't even try to make it look like she was singing!
  
• Then there was the overall performance. It was like she was just running through a dress rehearsal or something - it was so half-assed. The dancing was weak, she looked like an amateur sticking out amongst all the professional dancers (NOT the Britney I once knew!) I don't know - maybe she couldn't shake it that much with those stiletto boots?
  
• And as if that wasn't bad enough, the producers would then pan the audience for reaction shots - Rihanna, P. Diddy, and 50 cent all had expressions of "What the hell?"

Ugh, that's all I have to say about it. It almost makes me sad... that's not the Britney I had once idolized a long long time ago. What happened to her???

I guess MTV was still smart to put her on first, as I ended up tuning in for the rest of the show - at least Chris Brown and Rihanna managed to put on a worthy performance.

Update: Alicia Keys rocked, too